How could six months have gone by already?
They did, in a flash.
Rob is in a good place right now, with no doctors appointments or pokes and prods until after the first of the year. He is a more tired version of the man I knew, but he is still here. I am thankful for his strength, his peace, and his sense of humor.
I changed jobs in late summer. Parts of me hated to leave my old one, but reality forced me into my new one. I can do the job, but all day long I wonder how long I can pretend to be someone I'm not, doing something my heart is not in. But as each day passes, I am thankful it was provided for me. It's all part of the big picture that I can't see.
But I get glimpses now and again.
Tonight was a good night. I spend it with my grandbabies while Mommy and Daddy had a relaxing dinner and finished up some shopping. I can't tell you how complete I feel when I'm snuggled between them in bed reading storybooks, each of them hugging into me and holding my arms so softly, resting their heads on my sides. Their smiles, their giggles, their stories... precious. Then I lay with them as they drift into dreamland. My cup runneth over.
My six-year-old granddaughter is so smart, and so aware of everything going on around her. She is hugging me tighter lately, not wanting to let go. As I laid with her tonight, she was silently fighting the urge to sleep. She was holding on to me and hugging me... just needing that connection. At one point she even softly touched to feel my heartbeat. I told her it was still working, just quietly. She was okay with that.
My four-year-old granddaughter fell asleep much quicker than usual, but was being shaken from her rest repeatedly with a bad cough and fever. Prayers for her would be so appreciated. She is a spirited, beautiful child who makes you happy just looking at her. Her smile-power is infectious in the most awesome of ways.
I never thought I could feel as blessed as I did when I first held my daughter in my arms... but I do. Being a Mom is the best thing I've ever done, and the joys just continue to keep multiplying, and keep me going.
♥
Tonight we are under a winter storm warning... As I drove home from my daughter's place, I could see all the tree branches encased in ice, lights shining on them from all directions, making them sparkle. The side streets and sidewalks are like mini ice rinks, and by morning, I'm sure the main thoroughfares will be as well. It's a good time to be inside right now. But it's even better to be able to look out the windows and see it.
I don't know why I'm always so amazed at the beauty God puts in our paths, even in scary times... but I am. Not because I doubt. But I think it's because of His never-ending love for us. His wanting to make good out of bad. His unrelenting willingness to love for the sake of love. No matter what. To see myself as precious in His sight. It took me years to know, in my heart, that I am worthwhile and wanted and treasured in His eyes. I am still overwhelmed with that.
And it makes me stronger, and better. I matter. So do you.
♥
It is, again, the wee hours of the morning. I, like my Izzy, find it hard to let go of this day even though my body is calling out for rest. There is so much going on in my head, so many things wanting to come out in type, but I'm running on empty with heavy eyes.
But a happy heart. :)
Have a Very Blessed Merry Christmas!
I pray that you are surrounded by those you love, that your soul is filled with your own heartsongs... those moments and memories made that would take pages to explain, but that make you complete in an instant.
Practice peace. And practice love. And practice forgiveness.
They will make the world of difference in your world... and everyone's around you.
In Love and In Peace,
Cheri ♥
I've been away from the "online world" for a little while now... Sometimes, you just need a breather.
I did.
The last nine months have gone by in an agonizingly-slow flash, if that makes any sense at all. I understand it. But that's just me.
I was reading an article this morning from an old magazine, and it was about 'dusting off your dreams.' I have saved it in my Bible for many years, and I take it out and read it periodically. Today it was almost jumping out of the pages for me to peruse once again. It may actually be taking hold now.
The article is about never feeling like you've lost out on the dreams for your life. It's about being re-born into the person God created you to be.
I needed to listen. Especially today.
The article says to think about the things that excite you, things that you enjoy doing... to make a list of the things that make you feel vibrant inside. So many of us get caught up in keeping up, and the world starts to trample us down, starts to swallow us and our dreams. After a while, we just try to survive. I'm not talking financially, I'm speaking of the heart. We go down roads we weren't meant to go down, just because it was the easiest thing to do, or because it was what someone else thought we should do. But it becomes this giant hole that keeps getting deeper, and all of a sudden one day you look up and see the Light... really far away. You want to climb out, but it seems overwhelming. So most people just stay.
In reality, it just takes a change of heart, a change of mind. And the ability to remember, in your soul, where your smile is.
We need to pay attention to the "heart tugs" that we feel... You know, those little 'tugs' inside where God is trying to get you to listen. Where He's trying to get you to see the picture of you that He sees. The 'you' that will prosper and glow because you're doing what you were meant to do. The things that excite you and make you happy are part of who you are, and too many of us have put those thoughts to rest to work our 9-to-5's. But we don't need what the world has programmed us to need... We just need to be who we were meant to be.. who we were created, by God, to be.
I read another book, not long ago, that when you're doing what you are meant to do, it won't seem like work to you at all, and you'll enjoy every day. That's what I want. No, that's what I need!
So, sit quietly and think about what your heart tugs are... the thoughts that make your soul smile.
Then, start taking steps, even if just little ones, in that direction.
These last few months have caused me to ponder many things... Then again, I have always been great at daydreaming. :) But in reality, this earthly life is a short one, and it can disappear or change in the blink of an eye.
How do you want to be remembered? As a crazy, busy person, running in different directions, so stressed that you can't sleep or enjoy time with loved ones? Angry? Upset? Depressed?
Or do you long to be someone filled with that "Peace" and doing what you love?
Because that's who God created you to be.
My granddaughter drew a picture for me that we spoke of together, of a nice peaceful place where I wanted to live. She drew a log cabin next to a river, with a fence of lilacs and a background of mountains and pines. In the distance there is an apple tree, with a wonderfully large ladder and swing, and the most perfect tree house. I want to breathe in the summer days in that tree house, then curl up in front of the fireplace in that cabin on cold, winter evenings... living the creative life that's inside me. It's perfect. And the princess stickers sealed the deal. :)
My heart tugs? Most all of the arts, quilting, photography, journaling, writing, a cabin in the woods, peace, solitude, creating/building things with my hands, self-employment, nature, gardens, love. Using the gifts given to me to be who God created me to be....
That's what I want. What I need. That's where I'm headed.
Just some sunny-afternoon meanderings. Cries, really.
Yes, urgent inner quiet cries...
Be Blessed,
Cheri ♥
Hi again. :)
I sort of disappeared again for a while. Well, just from here. I've been posting on my husbands blog, as we walk through the valleys and peaks on his cancer journey. It's been long, and full of stress and tears and fears, but that's part of what makes us stronger, right?
I mentioned in earlier posts about how much I love the early morning hours of the day. I also love the late evening hours. It must just be the times when it's quiet for me, inside and out. When there are no demands on my time, and not many noises to distract my thinking. I think a lot. :)
Some nights I can sense how tired I am, yet I find myself being the toddler fighting to stay awake through a nap, so afraid I'll miss something important. It's mostly, though, that the world around me is quiet, and I really need the quiet. Not just to sleep in, but to be in.
I am overdue for a walk in the woods to see the beauty of nature, or sitting at the lakeshore watching the sun rise as the water laps at the shore, or driving leisurely in the country with the fresh breeze washing over me. I need these things. They are part of the way God programmed me to function. Work, recharge, work, recharge. Nature is my recharge. And I feel the need to plug in... soon.
I listen to music in the late hours some days. I find my emotional life expressed from one to the next, and I'm amazed at the ranges I find myself running through. Some days. Tonight is different. I am fighting to stay awake, when I should be sleeping.
I'm going to give in. I've fallen asleep at least 5 times already typing this little bit... It's time, and morning will be here soon enough. There is a crisp, cool, soft breeze coming in our windows tonight. I want to breathe it in for a while.
Please forgive any typos or confusing thought patterns. It all makes sense to me right now, but that doesn't mean much. ;)
Goodnight... ♥
Be Blessed...
Cheri ♥
Just a few thoughts this snowy evening...
I've been gone for a while. Well, not physically. Just emotionally. And not really gone. Just tired. It seems that life has me coming and going lately, and both at the same time! My plate is full, and somehow, with God's amazing grace, I am balancing it all.
I love life. Even when things are sad or difficult or confusing, I really do love life. I am thankful for it. For my life. For all that God has put in my path... All the people, the places, the sounds, the sights, ballads and prose, singing and laughter, loves, and colors, the wind, and the quiet. I need them all to be whole. To be me.
One of my favorite parts of the day are the early morning hours, when the world is mostly asleep, and it's still dark and quiet. I can think clearly. I pray. I seek God's face. And I'm filled with the peace and the strength for the new day. I stand in the shower, warm water cascading all around me, washing the ugliness of pain and fear right down the drain so there is no weight of yesterdays lingering. It's a fresh start. No matter what has happened, this day is new. And I'm blessed to be in it. And I never want to forget that.
Life is not easy for anybody. We all struggle, we all journey toward the goal of happiness and joy each and every day. There are stumbling blocks, but how we handle those will help to determine our level of contentment while we travel on. It's a choice: laughter or tears, joy or frustration, harmony or confusion. We were given the right, the ability, to choose. So choose wisely. Choose prayerfully. Choose.
Life is ever changing, and we need to be able to follow whatever lead God puts in our path. We need to make lemonade out of lemons. And strength out of fears.
And a little Dove Dark Chocolate never hurts, either. ;)
Be Blessed...
Cheri ♥
Many scattered thoughts inside...
Some days I feel like there is a layer of silence that surrounds me. But it's just outside of me. I can hear the world going on around me, and there are thousands of thoughts swirling aimlessly within me. But I find myself drawn to the layer in between. It's almost like I can be an observer there. I see everything, and I hear everything. But I don't have to feel everything. Maybe it's my hiding zone. My safety zone.
And it's okay. I find when life is going faster than I can keep up with, it's easier to just step into the 'zone' for a bit, find my footing, listen for the Guidance I seek, take a deep breath, and just jump back in when the opening comes. It's sort of a balance for me lately. Well, actually, for years.
That's the way certain songs affect me, too. The music gets down deep in my soul and carries me for a while. Not too high, just above ground level. I like that. It's comforting.
Tonight is a quiet night... The stars are out, a chill is in the air, and the traffic is way off in the distance. No birds or crickets. An occasional dog bark. It's hard to believe I'm in the middle of a city on nights like this. I can close my eyes and imagine I'm anywhere...
I love the loud silence. Most days. But today, especially.
Be blessed - Because you are.
Cheri ♥
