I'll Be Back...

Hey there...

It’s been awhile, I know.  I am not as good at balancing as I thought I was.  I dropped the ball and didn’t notice.   

Until today.

I wanted to update life a bit for those who listen and follow.

Rob has had 8 treatments now of this experimental immunotherapy since the chemo stopped working on his stage IV cancer.  Some of the tumors are responding slightly, and some have stayed the same.  So this is progress and positive.  It does not wreak the havoc in his body that the chemo did, and he looks and feels much better than before.  Though much has changed in our lives, in a quiet moment a few weeks back I did thank him for giving me a place to stay when my 25-year relationship/marriage fell to pieces.  I was sure I had thanked him before, but his sincere response made me believe I dropped another ball.  He told me I was most welcome, and thanked me for thanking him.  A good memory to save.

2015

My beautiful daughter, who has suffered so much from the neurological damage done by not getting the proper diagnosis for Chiari Malformation and all that comes with that, has been struggling with some really hard days.  Her firstborn daughter, Izzy, age 10, just underwent brain decompression surgery after being diagnosed with a more severe diagnosis of the same Chiari.  And along with Chiari comes something called Tethered Cord, which both Izzy and 7-year-old Ally have  --  like their Mom.  The spinal cord is actually “tethered” at the base, causing the spine to curve as they grow (scoliosis).  It is a very serious surgery, because if they cut the wrong cord, one of hundreds within the spinal dura, the result would be paralysis.  Both girls are scheduled to have the tethered cord “released”… Ally on Sept. 27^th and Izzy on November 1^st (as long as the brain decompression continues to heal as well as it is).  We are thanking God that Ally is not showing signs of Chiari, or Ben, age 2.  They will continue, Nicole included, to be monitored and treated as symptoms arise.  These major surgeries are not cures, they are treatments that will help.  Please continue to lift this beautiful family in prayer… This entire family loves the Lord more than any I’ve seen, and you see it in all they say and all they do.  I don’t know how I was so blessed to be a part of that.

These last 8-9 years have been overwhelmingly stress-filled for me  --  which I have been balancing pretty well, or so I thought.  And I know that so many others deal with too much, as well.  I know that Jesus is the One that keeps my head above water and keeps me going.  I don’t know how people get through things  --  through life  --  without Him.  I would have been a puddle of tears long gone by now on my own.  The strength I feel when I can’t imagine it possible is awesome.  I don’t know how I get up each morning and do all this day after day after day.  But God… 😊

That being said, I am still dropping balls all over the place.

I have reached a point that God is saying to me, “Cheri!  Listen to Me!  You need to stop before you end up on the floor!”  He is shaking me awake.  Now.  So I am stopping.

So much has gone on in these days and years, most of it in an unrecognizable whirlwind.  I now stand in the stilled silence, surrounded by so much ear-deafening noise, trying to figure out what happened.   I have a wonderful team of people around me now that tell me I am disengaging  --  emotionally unplugging from life  --  because it’s just been too much, and I am dropping so many balls daily.  Yes, I do feel it, too.

I have decided to take time away from this electronic world as we know it.  I don’t want constant input, because I am full right now and needing to find ways and places to breathe again.

I don’t want to disappoint anyone in my life or anyone that passes through it or steps into it.  Most importantly though, I don’t want to disappoint God.

I look at my life… my past… on paper, and it looks and sounds awful.  And in my heart, it is even so much worse.  My heart has been stomped on both on purpose and by accident.  I find myself fighting to survive everyone around me so I can freely carry on somewhere over the rainbow.  I am under attack and I’m not sure why, but it’s real and it hurts deep.  My compassionate actions end up ripping the rug out from under my life, and I don’t like falling down!

I don’t want this to sound like a real downer of an update … I just want to let you know that I’m leaving for awhile.  I can’t be distracted.  I don’t want to make any more life-altering decisions based on lies or deceptions.  Or on bad timing.  I believe in people, I give them the benefit of the doubt, I give my heart and soul.  I love and I care.. in a heartbeat!  I guess I just don’t listen well enough when I should.  Timing is everything, and I’m learning still that my time is not God’s time.  He is in charge.  He will work all things for good for those who believe and are called according to His purpose.  Not ours.  Not mine.  His.

So I will be seeking peace and peace-filled places in time.  Re-learning how to breathe again as God takes this major mess I’ve created and smooths the rough edges and cuts out the dark spots and leads me where I’m supposed to be.

It sounds foggy and confusing, but it’s all bright good. 😊

Please don’t stop showing compassion and kindness… to everyone around you.  You may be the only one to do so to someone who is feeling lost, or alone, or scared.  And don’t stop loving people.  Everyone wants to be loved.  True love.  Out loud.  God’s awesome design of love.  Real and from deep within.  Honest and pure.

I continue to pray for you, my family and friends, daily.  I can’t even imagine the darkness I’d be in without being lifted in your love and prayers.  I wish I could see you all face-to-face to tell you I love you and care about you and I’m here for you.  Even now.

Please enjoy the coming Autumn  --  my favorite of all seasons  --  and the laughter and beauty and friendships it brings.

I’ll be back.  😊

In Love and In Peace,

Cheri ♥

Josh Krajcik, "Let Me Hold You"  --  Just discovered, and love. ♥ 

https://youtu.be/DwSq17kZvyo