Changes...

It has been six and a half months since I last wrote here...

Yikes!  
And wow...

Life has been a blur, moving so fast that I can't keep it in focus.  I've gotten lost in the colors and ticking of time.  More so than usual.

Where do I begin again?  

The full-time hours at this current job didn't last, and I moved to another location to go back to part-time.  Way more than I could handle at this phase.  Made the plates I'm balancing too uneven and I wasn't up for the challenge.  At that point.  It's better now.
 

My Colie & Ben <3

My third grandbaby, Benjamin Michael, will be arriving any day now.  My baby is having such a difficult end to this pregnancy due to her heart and brain disorders, but her strength even in difficult moments continues to amaze me.  She is so beautiful inside and out... and I am so blessed to have her in my life.  My granddaughters keep me filled with good, too.  Just their little hands touching mine make the world okay again.  

Rob has gone through much poking and proding and testing since I last wrote... the last of which was over the last couple of weeks.  Tomorrow we go see his surgeon to figure out what's going on with the results we now have.  I'll update Rob's blog tomorrow.  

Darby and I in happier days

In August, I lost my sweet Darby-girl to the ravaging results of kidney and liver failure.  Devastation is not a big enough word.  I will never get used to her not being here with me, my beautiful loving shadow and companion.  It's supposed to get easier, but it hasn't.  Each thought of her still brings those quiet, aching tears.  Saying I miss her barely touches the surface of my hurt.  I am thankful that I could share my life with her for just over 12 years. 

Riley and I

Forty-eight days of missing her brought me to an adoption event with a rescue group, and I found myself coming home with a new little black furry bundle who in turn rescued me.  His name is Riley, and he's given me a smile in my heart, and something to love and hold again.  Not a replacement, but an addition to my life.  Mischievous and sometimes a wild-child, but smart and so wanting to please.  And when he sleeps on my lap (for now  -  the vet says 65-70 pounds is expected), I calm myself with his little rhythmic breaths, and slowly dream-running feet.  So worth it.  It's all good. 


The hours (years) of missed sleep are slowly catching up with me.  I seem to watch the days disappear in a flash, when these same days used to last forever.  Strange.  It hasn't changed, but I'm noticing it more.  I'm trying to do better. 

It is Autumn here in Michigan, and I don't think there's a more perfect example of God's handiwork anywhere... the splashes of color, the swirling winds, and the leaves chasing each other across the streets and fields.  Fresh air, cooler weather, sweater season.  It's a good time to be alive.  

And it's my absolute favorite season.  The coming Thanksgiving holiday, and Christmas... time to rejoice and be thankful for all of the blessings in our lives.

And they do surround us.

Even in the midst of much turmoil and change, we are blessed.  We have food to eat, a roof over our heads, and for this day, enough of what we need.  And I am so thankful for that.  I am thankful for the prayers I am able to offer and the prayers I feel holding me up.  I am thankful for the quiet moments when my mind is free to wander.  I am thankful for the glimpses of my creative me so I know she's still there.  

Mostly, I am thankful that God will work all things for good for those who believe.  And I believe.  So I patiently wait and ask Him daily for his peace and patience, for understanding when I don't, and for the ability to know that no matter what, it's all going to be okay in the big picture.

And I'm good with that.

I'll update Rob's blog tomorrow night, RockonRob.blogspot.com.   Hopefully.  I always seem to have big plans for the evenings, and I sit down, and fall asleep.  :)

Okay, I'm off to bed.  This coming week is already full, and I've got to try harder.  At everything.  Especially, sleep.   ;) 


Be blessed.  
Love.  

It's all good.


In Love and In Peace,

Cheri 
♥  

Time...

Time marches on.  And in and over and through.  It appears and disappears much too quickly these days.  And I can't seem to catch it, though I never cease trying.

Life has been busy, and full.  Good things of late, which is such a nice change.

Rob has been doing okay... better than what our imaginations had projected.  We take life one day at a time and try to keep the imagination part in the background.  For as long as we can.  His bloodwork has come back with liver counts over 5 times what they should be, and nobody seems to know why.  We are going between doctors, slowly, trying to figure it out.  His latest checks for cancer have been negative, which to us is positive.  A few minor things going on, but all in all, these quiet months have been a blessing, and a relief.

I had the opportunity to move to full-time at my new job, and because Rob lost his health care coverage at the beginning of the year, I felt I had to make the move... against Rob's wishes.  I am exhausted, and I am never home, and I am no longer who I was.  But the list of pros and cons made the decision for me in the long run, and here I am.  Rob misses me being around, and so do I.  I am too tired to even think about it any more though.  I fall asleep without even trying, I just wish I could stay there sometimes.  Not for good... not yet.  There's so much more to do!  But just long enough to find that peaceful breathing place again.  I lost that long ago. 

I try not to question why I am where I am, even though now and again the thoughts play through me.  I have a lot of driving time, especially on high traffic days when it takes me nearly an hour to drive 7 miles.  I know... crazy.  I've been trying to use the time as effectively as I can lately.  I've downloaded some podcasts that I listen to... I need this to put me in the place I need to be so I can do these new days I don't recognize.  They spur me on, keep me moving and thinking, and fill my mind with better thoughts than I can in this time.  I am enjoying these sounds in my quiet.

♥

I am into the wee morning hours again, which I haven't done in some time.  My soul is urging me on, though my eyes are heavy.  I usually start dozing off with my dinner plate in my lap, and with pen in hand and piles in place that have been waiting to be sorted for months now.  The evenings I have left disappear all too quickly, as the piles continue to grow.  When they get too big, I sort out some of the stress so they are more manageable.  But they are still there.  I will catch up some day.  I am determined to.  :)

♥

Tonight my heart is heavy, and I can't sort out exactly why.  I spent some hours after work with my beautiful Nicole, who is carrying my third grandchild... those hours were the absolute highlight of my day!  After I left her back at her home, and blew kisses to my granddaughters who called to me through their windows, I felt really good inside!  And I needed that.  

But at the same time, today was a strange one in my own world.  Deep in the quiet me, it was a hard day.  Tears flowed without warning, as happens too often.  Broken hearts are hard to mend.  I just keep filling the cracks with tears hoping that someday it won't hurt so much.  I am comforted as I climb into my Saviors lap, knowing that I don't have to figure things out for myself, because He has it all under control.  I just need faith, and patience.  I am trying to get really good at those two.  My pastor said that if it's not good yet, God's not done yet.  So I will wait patiently...

♥

Our lease is up soon, and the urge to 'go' is strong in me.  Not in Rob, but in me.  I keep looking for a better fit.  A better answer.  Just better.  Oh, don't get me wrong... where we are is good for the most part.  And the thought of having to move again saps my strength in an instant.  I'm not who I used to be, and I'm not sure I can do it again so soon.  But at the same time the newness and the adventure call, and it's appealing to me.  I will look until we have to make a final decision.  Rob is good with what's good for me, though he prefers to just stay.  The seeker in me is hard to tame.  It needs change. 

The weather is slowly starting to warm up, and the sun has been making a few more appearances lately.  I am longing to sit on the balcony with a cup of coffee and a no-list day, watching the birds, listening to the early morning, and feeling the fresh spring breeze on my skin.  Those are good days.  They remind me of being in the northern places of my heart.  Deep, peaceful, unhurried days of old.

Well, sleep is calling me in, and I don't want to fight it anymore.  I still want to be up early, as there is a growing list in my head of things I want to accomplish this day.  I am hoping to just be home today.  Maybe let some creative out somewhere.  I can hope.  :)

Be blessed.  Forgive.  And mostly, love big.

Good night and good day.  :)


In Love and Peace,

Cheri ♥