Hiding and Seeking... It's what I seem to be best at doing lately. Minutes roll into hours into days into weeks, and they are flying by like a movie with the fast-forward button stuck 'on.' I'm seeking answers to hard things in this life, and at the same time, I'm hiding so I don't have to know.
I find it easy to get caught up in the busy, to just merely function without having to think much. I get filled with the noise of every day just so I won't have to feel where my heart is. Even though I live as an adult, and I certainly see one when I look in the mirror... when I'm in my quiet, I'm still a shy, scared little girl looking out the window, waiting for life to be whole and good. Forever.
I bury myself in the treasure of a book, so I can be taken far away to a different place... at least for a little while. Then I find something else to hide behind. Or stay away from. And sometimes the sheer exhaustion of balancing has me drifting off to sleep whenever I just stop moving.
But I've always believed there is good in everything, whether we see it right away, or years down the road. And so it goes with hiding, too. Because even in the hiding, there are moments of seeking in the silence, when those scary scenarios slowly creep in. And though they are not on the forefront of my thoughts, they are nonetheless churning within, finding resolution, giving silent direction on which way to proceed should they become reality. The mind is awesome.
I love the beautifully complicated way that God designed us... giving us the ability, with His direction, to be prepared for the forks in the road, whether we're aware of that preparation or not. When the time comes, the fear will be put down, buried in the dust of the past. And we will step in to the new day. For all it's worth.
Be blessed in your new days.
Cheri
It's about time... everything is. Time for this and that, not enough time, too much time. That's where I am right now. Time. Using it wisely. Using it gratefully.
We get so busy these days with all that's going on around us, and all we're involved with. We run around with lists and organizers to get us through, and each morning not thinking of much more than getting the day done. Faster and faster we go, filling every free moment with "something" that calls to us.
Then one day it changes, not by choice, but it changes. And you step out of the craziness and you're in the quiet, although you still see the world going on around you. But now, you're more of an observer than a participant. You realize all the time you've wasted... not doing the things you wanted to do, not doing the things you needed to do. And it's dawning on you that time is not a forever option. It's limited. And the struggle is, we don't know how limited it is.
So we are suspended in a place of thought, searching frantically and deeply on how to fix this. And the reality is that all we can do is remember this moment and pray that it flows within us for the rest of our days. So that we don't waste any more time. So that we make better use of our time. So that we become better at what we were created to be. So that those who are most important to us will know that they are most important to us. So our time is filled with being thankful for each moment of each day.
Time is fleeting, this is for sure. With a mind full of swirling thoughts on this beautiful autumn evening, I want my time here to matter. I want to make good use of the time that I'm given each and every day. Sharing a smile with a stranger, giving full attention to a friend in need, wiping away tears, encouraging others, holding hands on a peaceful walk, standing up for what's right and true and noble.
And quietly and humbly, I pray for more time. Time to fix my misuse of it, and time to do better. I want to be bold in my gratefulness for this time.
Be blessed... :)
Cheri ♥
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