Quiet Joy

Some days I wish.  I wish for sleep.  I wish for more hours in the day.  And for more laughter and smiles.  For strength to carry on, for guidance and direction, for wisdom in all I'm handed, and for more hugs from little arms.  Scattered thoughts, scattered me.


I sleep very little, not by choice, but it's been decades since I've had a peaceful rest.  I seem to always be teetering on the brink of awake.  I think my mind just likes to keep working.  There's so much to think about, you know...

In the very early, very dark morning hours, when the feline decides it's been long enough, she quietly walks up and along me, as if I won't feel her little paws in slow motion.  Then I can 'feel' her sitting patiently, staring at me, willing my eyes to open.  She must believe she has special powers, because it always works.  This was my morning today... once again.  I really don't mind.  I'm almost always already awake, but continuing to lie there, hoping sleep will find me.


In reality, I'd rather be awake.  I love the very late nights, and I love the very early mornings.  The world is quiet, and I don't have a million things vying for my attention, and I don't have to say a word.  Some days I make use of these hours and accomplish things, other days I just listen to the tranquil sounds of the wind, or rain, or sweet, soft birdsongs.


I love to observe all that surrounds me, without forming any thoughts at all... but rather just taking it all in and storing it for when it's needed.  With some dark hours I go outside, and it seems as if all the universe is sleeping.  I look at the stars, or the colorful horizon that is beginning to form...  

Have you ever taken the time to watch the sun rise, or the sun set?  We take if for granted most days, but it's such an awe-inspiring, majestic sight that happens so quickly.  I love the blessing I feel every time I've seen them.  That will never grow old to me.  And when I experience them, I just feel peace.  And love.  It's as if I can feel them wash over me, from the tip of my head to the ends of my toes.  And it's good.  I know I can handle the coming day.  (Thank you, God.)


My pastor once said, "Joy is a choice, a life-changing mindset not based on circumstances."  And it's true.  So even though I write from deep places, and even though I've walked through many deep valleys, I will continue to live this life I've been given in joy.  Sometimes quiet joy, sometimes tearful joy, and sometimes shouting-out-loud, dancing and twirling joy!  But joy, nonetheless.


I will continue to have sleep evade me, I'm sure.  And I will continue to be consumed with random thoughts.  But in it all, whether it's blatantly obvious or not, I have a soul full of joy, and if you see me, you'll see it leak out here and there.  Sometimes, it even pours.  :)


Be blessed in all you do this week...


Cheri ♥