Taking Chances...

I spend a lot of time alone.  I don't mind it, as it gives me time... Time to think, time to listen, time to just be.  My mind swirls with thoughts of hopes and daydreams of things that may never come to pass.  And of words spoken that came and went.

At times, I think of nothing and everything, not focusing in any particular area, but just letting all that's inside rush around me, like soft, swirling wisps of warm air that touch me lightly, wrap around, and dissipate just as quickly as they came.  Today has been one of those days.


I am so thankful for my life, even with all the bumps in the road that I've had to climb over.  All those struggles have continued to shape my thinking, put things in perspective, and make me who I am.  And I don't feel like God is finished with me yet.

I have always been quiet.  I was shocked many years ago when I ran in to an old high school classmate and she shared something with me on who she thought I was back in the day.  We ran in different crowds at school, but for reasons other than what she thought.  I was very shy and never felt quite good enough.  I ran with a crowd who accepted me for who I was, and even there, I was a quiet follower.  I rarely ever let anyone into my life other than superficially.  There were only a handful of souls who really knew me, knew my family, knew about us growing up in an alcoholic home.  You have to hide things there, act normal, pretend you're not affected by those things that happen in the wee hours.  But you are.

Laura, Sherrie, Bill, Rob, Dawn, Doug, Roy...  That may be the list of the only ones I ever let in  -  most of the way.  It's still hard to feel safe at being exposed.  However, lately that fear is being outweighed by the possibilities of joy and love that I've seen and experienced.  I can't even begin to explain the peace that has emerged when I've let the doors to 'me' open, even just the tiniest crack.  

We should all want to be a friend, to share joys and sorrows, to laugh and cry together, to build each other up, and when needed, to hold each other up.  We need to let go of the fears and take chances.  Yes, the possibility is there that we can be emotionally hurt, but that in itself will help us to grow even stronger, too.

I'm finding comfort in reconnecting.  Or rather, connecting.  I like the smiles and happiness that fill my heart when I do.  People have so much joy and strength to give.  I have a hard time feeling worthy of receiving, but am working deeply on this flawed thinking.  At least I know it's flawed thinking, and that's a start.  Words cannot express the gratitude I've felt from the people that are in my life these days.  My cup runneth over... ♥

Thank you.

Cheri ♥